Day 12 – Cheating On Dr. Bernstein

October 20, 2013 | Filed Under Uncategorized 

Well, as of Friday (Day 10) I was down 12.2 lb (201 lb) and at +3 ketones, which is pretty good for 10 days. Today is Sunday. I think I’m about the same.

After almost two weeks, one thing that you start to notice is ‘no cheat days’. I find I’m looking a bit more longingly at cupcakes than usual as my kids eat their spider icing. But I keep my head in the game by reminding myself of two things.

1. They KNOW.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow where they are going to take my blood work to make sure all is going well. Also, 3x a week, I submit urine tests and the nurses measure ketones. No ketones = cheating. (I have stopped metabolizing fat, and therefore I am running on booze, bread, dairy or starches. All bad.) Knowing they KNOW keeps me good. For me, shame is more powerful than guilt.

2. “If you are hungry, you are cheating.”

One of the nurses told me this the other day. And it’s true. I have a confession. I ate some vegetable broth the other night (Friday). Vegetable broth is terrible. I was so disappointed in it that I decided to have Campbell’s Vegetable Soup instead. What’s the diff, I figured? Either way, after I cooked it, I realized it had potatoes, peas, carrots and even (*gasp*) pasta alphabet shapes in there. I ate it all. I used to love vegetable soup in my old life. But basically everything in that soup is on the ‘no’ list. Later that night, I felt hunger. It was the first time in 10 days, but that aching gnawing animal was there. Blinder than rage. Wanting to overpower me. I ate spinach and drank water until I pushed it back into its cage. But with that potato and pasta tease, I had opened the gate for just one second too long, and the wicked bit was in its mouth.

Today has been okay. I bought my kids cupcakes after gymnastics and once again my mind wandered to cheating. I wonder if that soup had set off a chain reaction. I kept my mind on the prize. If I’m going to reach 185 lb by November, I need to stay focussed.

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